"What makes us develop respect towards a person?"
"That depends on what necessities we want fulfilled"
"You need a maid servant to clean your house. Do you develop respect towards her?"
"It is not like that. In addition to fulfillment of our necessities, that person should possess some sort of greatness."
"Very well. What is greatness?"
"It is something which we do not have, but we aspire for. If the other person possesses such a quality, we can call it greatness."
"What is it that you desire?"
"Fulfillment of our necessities."
"So, we are back to where we began."
"No, there is a small difference. There are certain circumstances when we will be unable to fulfill our necessities on our own. In such instances we will be forced depend on others. We will develop respect for such persons also."
"To keep the thieves away at night, you may chose to have a dog. Obviously you cannot be awake all night to guard your house. Do you mean to say that you respect the dog?"
"We are discussing about human beings."
"O.K. Do you respect your watchman?"
"No. Doing a watchman’s job does not require extra intelligence."
"So you are implying that intelligence alone is greatness."
"Yes"
"When you were small, you were respecting your parents. They were more intelligent and knowledgeable at that time. Now you have become highly educated. You possess more degrees. Are you not still respecting them?"
"Yes. I am still respecting them. It has become a practice. Not only that, there is also the fear of sinning in me now."
"Very well. Let us consider another example. You know a very rich person. You know that he is not intelligent. Don’t you still respect him?"
"Wealth has its own status. If a person is very rich, it doesn’t matter if he is intelligent or useful to us. As long as there is no harm from him, we will have a special respect for him. This is how the world behaves."
"Is that all? Or is there something else also?"
"If a person is of noble character, we will respect him even if he is poor and unintelligent."
"It means, for you to respect a person, all or some of the following criteria have to be fulfilled – (1) That person should possess wealth or intelligence. (2) His character should be noble. (3) No harm should have occurred to us from him. (4) We should have become used to respecting him. (5) We should be afraid of committing sin."
"We can say so"
"If you are not respecting a person, which of the above conditions is not being satisfied?
"It depends on the circumstance."
"It seems as though this month’s Sookti is focusing about respecting women. Therefore let us discuss about it. We take much pride in talking in various forums about women’s respect. Our politicians make it a point to include it in their political speeches and manifestos. But let us ask ourselves. Are we respecting women in our families?"
"I am"
"This is not a question directed at an individual. When we ask, "are we respecting women", it is not meant to imply ‘are men respecting women’. The question is, does our society as a whole treat women with dignity. This is the subject of our present discussion."
"May be women are respecting other women."
"If that is so, why then do we see frequent quarrel between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? Why do we see quarrel between sisters-in-law?"
"Yes. What you say is true. When a woman does not respect another woman, why should a man respect a woman?"

"Our discussion is not ‘why do men not respect women?’ Our question is why are women generally not respected. We were trying to figure if there was any deficiency in the factors that we believe are responsible for respecting a person?"

The first condition was that a person should possess wealth or knowledge to deserve respect. Generally, women do not lack the second aspect, i.e., knowledge. In fact, in certain aspects, especially those concerning the family, women display more intelligence and common sense. This fact is accepted by men also. Therefore, there is no deficiency in the first condition.
The second condition is that no harm should have occurred from that person. Even on this count, there is no problem because, generally a woman does not harm a man or another woman.
The third aspect is good character. In this aspect, women have always faced injustice. It has been so since ages. Bhavabhuti, a celebrated poet of ancient India, has summed it up as follows:

Yathaa streenaam tathaa vaachaam
Saadhutve durjano janah

"Generally people in this world behave maliciously about two things poetry and women"
It is no different today. Everyone knows that an act of infidelity is not possible unless both a man and a woman are involved. Still, it is the woman who faces blame and social wrath. This is unjust. However, this is not a point of our present discussion. The reason behind not respecting the women in our families is not their lack of good character. Therefore, even on this count, we do not find any deficiency.

The fourth aspect is ‘respecting out of practice’. The fifth is being afraid of committing a sin. We analyzed that there is no deficiency in the first three aspects. Therefore, the deficiency must lie in either the fourth or the fifth aspect. If we analyze ourselves properly, we will admit that not one, but both factors are responsible. In other words, in our society today, when it comes to respecting women, neither men nor women have the practice of respecting women. There is no fear of sin also.

But, the practice of respecting is there as far as respecting men are concerned. Why is that practice missing when it comes to respecting women? Also, there is fear of sin in other areas; why not here?
Let us keep aside this question for a while. Let us see if there are other circumstances in which the ‘practice’ of respecting has disappeared. Let us also see the circumstances when the fear of sin has vanished.

Generally, when a person becomes egoistic, he gives up the practice of respecting others. Men, out of ego about their physical strength and financial strength may tend to disrespect women. This is understandable although unpardonable. What about women? Why do they develop the tendency of disrespecting other women?
The tendency of respecting diminishes when there is no fear of sin.

When there is no fear of sin, even good tendencies gradually disappear and such persons become accustomed to bad habits. We have seen this phenomenon in our society. Therefore, between these two aspects, lack of fear of sin is like the mother root.

It can therefore be said with certainty that the main reason behind women disrespect in today’s society is lack of fear of sin.

In today’s world, in the name of rationalism, in the name of scientific spirit, in the name of freedom of expression and in the name of liberalization, we have pushed the fear of sin to the bottom of our priority list. On the other hand, we scream at the top of our voice about women’s dignity. This is like trying to heal the stomach ulcer by applying ointment on the belly.
The following Sookti is trying to tell us not only about women’s dignity, but also about the real purpose and goal of life. It is also hinting as to how they can be achieved.

Yatra naaryo na poojyante
Yatraasaam na susheelataa
Na vasanti shriyastatra
Na siddhyanti vrataan api

Prosperity does not stay where there is no respect for women and where women lack character. Even good deeds fail to yield the desired results in such places.
In order to understand the message of the Sookti, we must first study it from bottom to top (in the reverse order).

There are two aims for a society. One, the spiritual practices of its citizens should be fruitful. Two, the citizens should become prosperous. We must look at the order of their importance. In today’s society that has become prey to westernization, the second aspect seems to be the only aim. According to some people, the first aim is purely one’s personal business and is not relevant to the society. We will never be able to solve the problem of women’s dignity as long as we entertain such thinking.

Spiritual progress should become a social goal. It should also become the foremost aim [therefore it has been mentioned in the fourth line of the Sookti. (First line if the Sookti is read from bottom to top)]. Along with that, becoming prosperous should become an aim complimentary to the main aim. [Therefore it has been mentioned in the third line]. We should mould our society in such a way that both the objectives are fulfilled (in that order). This was how our ancient societies flourished.
Why has it changed now? This is because Sheela has lost its importance in today’s society. Sheela means ‘good behaviour based on truth’. To be even more precise, Sheela is a set of qualities that have become a habit. If they are good habits, it is called ‘Susheela’.

In Sanskrit language, the root of the word ‘Sheela’ has two meanings – ‘Upadhaarana’ and ‘Samaadhi’. Upadhaarana means practice or habit. Samaadhi is Yogic practice. The word Sheela is more often used to convey the first meaning. Therefore, the word Susheela in the above Sookti means good practice or habit.

Who should possess this virtue? Everyone in the society should possess. If it is so, why then is it said ‘especially it is very important for women’? Does it not amount to insulting women fold? Is this Sookti displaying bias against women?

It has been explained above that Sheela means good practice or good habit. If it has to be cultivated, it should be inculcated from a very tender age. The mother plays a very crucial role in inculcating this habit in children. This is because, a child tends to become more profoundly influenced by the mother. Because the mother is capable of influencing the child to a great extent, it is necessary to remind women about the importance of Sheela. Therefore, this Sookti has stressed that if women do not possess Sheela, the society cannot achieve spiritual progress.
A mother should inculcate ‘Sheela’ to her children. They should inculcate it in sons and daughters equally. She should ensure that her children develop good habits. The list of good habits should include the ‘practice of respecting women’ also. It should be achieved by basing it on the fear of sin. That is, they should be made to understand that not respecting women is a sin.
If the society has to achieve spiritual and materialistic progress, it should first learn to respect women.

Respecting doesn’t mean that we should shower flowers on them. Just as we do punish our sons and brothers when they make a mistake, we should punish our daughters and daughters-in-law.
There is a difference between punishing when a mistake happens and torturing them. There is a well-defined line of control that is not visible even to our closest relatives and neighbours. No one in the family should transgress that line. If we can show constraint at home, we will be able to exercise constraint outside also.

We see that in some households, in the name of civilization, women behave according to their whims and fancies. Try to meditate for a while in such house. You will not experience spiritual vibrations in that house at all. What does this indicate? It indicates that whatever prosperity the members of that family may be having in this birth will not continue to their next birth. This is what the Sookti means when it says ‘Prosperity does not stay where there is no respect for women and where women lack character.’

We see that some families follow strict austerities and perform various Poojas and other spiritual practices. Still, their pursuits do not yield the desired results even after many years of practice. There may be many reasons for that. In such houses, we can observe that in the name of strict austerities, the family members tend to torture women of that family. The women in such houses will shed tears in solitude. If the elders in the family do not rectify this situation, no meritorious acts will yield the desired results. This is what is echoed in the fourth line of the Sookti.

There is a steady and natural stream of good habits and practices between the madness of ultra civilization and torturously strict austerities. It is this gentle stream that can sustain life and living. ‘Rediscover that stream and follow those good habits’ – is the message of this Sookti. May Lord Dattatreya bless our world so that this stream flows thorough our societies and makes our lives bountiful and beautiful.
Jaya Guru Datta.

Jaya Guru Datta.

Sri Swamiji